So, I was at Safeway a week ago and ended up talking to this lady as we were picking through the herbs. One cilantro left and I was in a giving mood. I was overly thanked and gushed on about how she needed that cilantro for her "super yummy salad that was going to land her a spot on Gordon Ramsey's new show! Can you believe it? Can you JUST believe it?! OMG!" Wow, I thought... good luck lady cause that is going to be a tough audition. But, striving to be a kinder, gentler shopper, I wished her luck and wheeled my way quickly to the wine isle. Hmmm.... I'll have to look that show up when I get home.

Well! Hot damn! Cilantro Salad lady had just slipped me some vital information! Little did she realize that she was talking to possible competition! The show she so eagerly spilled the beans on was Gordon Ramsey's "MasterChef" a reality show that takes the best home cooks (with no culinary training, thank you very much) and mentors them to be brilliant chefs! Well.. technically I'm guessing they whittle down these amazing cooks to one and then that person is the winner of some really cool, way better then you can ever do for yourself, kinda prize! Hey... and what do you know, the open tryouts were next Sunday! Wow... I can do this! I read more; you need to fill out an application, bring your BEST dish to serve one person, and bring a self picture. Heck I had nothing to lose!

OK... let's start with the application. Yikes! It was 13 pages long. And a PDF no less, so I had to HAND WRITE everything. Who does that? I can barely "print" my name next to my signature on my kid's release forms. This wasn't going to be pretty, and I don't envy the intern who is going to have to read it! And the questions they asked.... really? When was THE moment I realized I loved food? I wrote: When I was weened. Question: What is your favorite kitchen utensil? My answer: My wine opener. Hey, if they don't want the truth, don't ask the question. Right?! Anyway, it took about 2 hours for my soon to be arthritic hands to painstakingly write these foodie answers. Question: What was the last crazy, spontaneous or wild thing I've done?" Answer: Risk carpal tunnel filling out this form!

Now for my dish. What to make? What to make? It has to be served at room temperature, and plated in less then 5 minutes. You could be in line for hours (we will get to THAT later) and chances of rain are high. Hmmm, my killer braised short ribs are out... and I can forget about my crispy cannellini beans with pancetta and fried sage. I need something a little different that might show creativity, look really cool, taste amazing even at room temperature, be easy to transport AND plate quickly. Ding ding! I would make a 1st course plate that takes a spin on Soup and Salad; A Bloody Mary Soup Shooter served with Spicy Crab Salad on Baby Butter Lettuce. The shooter will be served in a shot glass garnished with a spicy pickled bean. I would artistically arrange the crab salad on 3 butter leaves next to the shooter on a glass rectangular plate. Ah ha! That should impress them!

So by Sunday I was ready to go! I had my novel completed (aka application), food and dishes all packed up. Umbrella, cell phone and my lovely picture (used my Facebook profile pic) in my backpack and I headed up to San Francisco with the whole family in tow. The boys dropped me off at Sur La Table promptly at 10:00am and if memory serves correctly ran away about as fast as they could. Way too many shopping type stores for them, and they were off to a cable car adventure with dad. I got in line, and got ready for MY adventure to begin.

Small talk sucks. And it really sucks when you know that you are going to have to do it for a couple hours with random strangers who are actually competing with you. I was the chick who was there by herself (the image of my family running away still burning in my head). Guy in Hawaiian shirt, I'm guessing about 50, in front of me had his wife. Hip, trendy lady behind me had her 19-year-old son. I was already a loser. Oh well, let's start w/ the chit chat shall we? To guy with wife; "Well, at least we are not looking at American Idol kinda crowds.. what do you think about 300 here?" He looks at me as if I was speaking in parseltongue and responds, "I take great pride in the fact that I have NEVER seen one episode of American Idol." And then turns around. Wellll then, THIS is going to be fun! Ok, let's see if I have better luck with lady and son. "So, are you both trying out for the show?" Son looks at me.... and smiles! Yes! I'm liking this kid already. "Nah... not my kind of cooking style, but my mom should rock." How, awesome, by the way is that!?! I hope in 12 years my kid is saying that about me. Anyway, conversation continued and we eventually got guy with wife to loosen up and even let us in on what his dish was! Funny how protective some people were about this. It's not like you can change your mind and cheat at this point! However, he wasn't thrilled when I told him I had made the same recipe before (Roasted Yellow Pepper Soup, served in same bowl w/ Roasted tomato soup w/ serrano creme). Nope, he didn't like that one bit. But, I got a kick out of it.

So, we waited till 11:00am and they issued out numbers to everyone. I was #68 out of about 400. We were told they would take 5 to 7 of us in at a time, in order, and we would be plating our dishes for the judges. They would ask us about our food, our cooking style and then random questions to get to know us better. Cool. Let's get this party started!.... Ok... the line is really moving slow... Oh, and rain. Fun. You know, it's amazing how much nicer my line buddies got when it became clear I was the only one with an umbrella. I did notice some interesting things at this point of the audition. The casting directors were walking through the lines, picking some people out and bringing them to the front. DAMN, it's not a good feeling when you are not one of these people. Kinda a buzz kill. So, pretty model lady waltzes through. 7ft tall guy with a basket of Chantrelle mushrooms that could not cost less then 1K moves to the front. Obviously gay guy w/ really tight plaid clothes saunters forward. Tattoo guy, then vertically challenged woman and then model looking guy all pass us by. OK... really not feeling special. Well, maybe that kind of "Special," but definitely not cool. Well, my looks may not stand out.. but wait to they see my dish! OH... and jokes on them with mushroom boy. He was standing about 5 people back and was VERY excited about the Star Trek convention next week. Clearly knows his stuff there, and if I'm not mistaken might have actually been in character. Ha!

OK... numbers 66 though 70 please enter! YES!! Out of the rain and into the frying pan.. or so it felt! We shuffled down the stairs w/ our coolers and backpacks and were told to wait for a station to open (there were about 12) then move in, plate your dish and wait for the judges. I found my self at a station next to a guy w/ a very elaborate dish of risotto, duck with a couple sauces drizzled everywhere. He even had a glass of champagne poured! On my other side was a girl who had a very amateur looking plate of bread with different cheeses on them. But, she had a PITCHER of Sangria next to that. What the hell? The judges are not here to drink.... Over achivers! I plated my crab and poured my soup. Why were my hands shaking? I didn't realize I was even nervous. I had nothing to lose, this was just for fun, right? It soon became obvious that amateur cheese girl was friends with the tasting judge. They giggled and shared some pictures of a mutual friend. OK... hey, she noticed I was ready! My turn. "So, tell me what your food is." I start explaining my take on a soup and salad. But, what's this? She is not even looking at me, but watching her friend get judged! Helloo I waited for 3 fricken hours in the rain, for you to blow me off? Grrrrr.... "Oh," She says realizing that I have stopped talking, "You can continue, I'm listening." Ummmm. NO, you aren't. "OK," As she pulls her attention by to me, "How many teaspoons in a tablespoons?" Easy, I say 3. "What is Blanching?" I respond it's when you take a veggie or herb and boil it and then, "OK.. I can tell you know what it is." Wow... I didn't even get to finish. But, I was finished with her.

So Lyle, Mr. Casting Director, comes over and compliments my dish, looks me in the eyes and asks me questions about my passion for food and cooking. I, hopefully sounding witty and funny, respond. We both laugh at some answers and he writes down the name of my food blog and starts jotting down several of my comments. I like Lyle. Lyle likes me. He shakes my hand, and tells me, "You could not have done any better today. Thank you." Then slides over and begins questioning champagne guy next to me. OK... guess I'm done. I pack it up, grab my stuff and on the way out, look over at Lyle who winks and says, good bye Kristin! Feeling good, I head back outside and made the call for the boys to come back and get me.

At the beginning of the day, they informed us they would call anyone that made it to the second round by that evening. I was feeling good about that phone call, and just as I was about to call mom and do a little bragging I hear some screaming. I turned around and chubby guy in tight plaid is waving around his "blue call back" ticket. Damn. They were giving out call back sheets to the people they wanted to interview the next day. Lyle forgot to give me mine. Oh... here comes my line buddy with her son. "How did it go?" I asked. "Great! I'm coming back tomorrow! You?" "Ummm.. no, I don't think so." "Oh, well maybe you will get a call tonight!" says son. "Yeah.. you never know!" I say with more conviction then I felt. Damn. Oh, well.. I had nothing to lose doing this, I thought... it was for the experience. Yeah, right.

Well... by the time we made it home, unpacked the cooler and backpack it was 5:00 somewhere and I was ready for a drink! I kept catching myself eyeing the clock... Auditions ended at 4pm. The judges would have to meet and discuss the day, and see who they wanted back. But, by 9pm I knew that phone was not going to ring and I was already moving on to planning my next catering gig. Oh well... I didn't make it. No biggie it was a shot in the dark anyway. I had nothing to lose. But, you know, I kinda felt like I did lose a little something that day. It's hard to put yourself out there, and be judged. It's even harder when you are not picked. It would be easier if the decision was on food alone. But, when people are judging your looks and personality, it's a little bit of an ego crusher to be, well, not interesting enough to move on. Don't worry about me, I didn't break down and cry or anything as pathetic as that.... I might have had an extra glass or two of champagne, though. Oh, heck, the whole thing happened because I ran into a lady at Safeway who randomly told me about it anyway. I hope she is sitting home now with her blue ticket. You go Cilantro Salad lady!